At work, we’re taught to lead the conversation.
On social media, we shape our personal narratives.
At parties, we talk over one another. So do our politicians.
We’re not listening.
And no one is listening to us.

Equal parts cultural observation, scientific exploration, and rousing call to action that's full of practical advice, You're Not Listening will elevate your conversations. While you might take listening for granted, how well you listen, to whom, and under what circumstances determines who you are and the paths you take in life. It’s time to rediscover the lost art of listening.

Praise for You’re Not Listening

One of Washington Post’s ‘50 notable works of nonfiction in 2020’

Named a best audiobook of 2020 by Esquire UK.

Handpicked by Malcolm Gladwell, Adam Grant, Susan Cain, and Daniel Pink for the Next Big Idea Club.

“You’re Not Listening is an essential book for our times. How well we listen determines how we love, learn, and connect with one another, and in this moment when we need to hear and be heard more than ever, this thought-provoking and engaging book shows us how.”
—Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

“I was instantly hooked by Kate Murphy's simple but profound argument--that although listening is the foundation of communication, innovation, growth, and love, few of us really know how to do it properly, or where to even start. You're Not Listening is a captivating and enlightening book that provides readers with a road map on how to listen and why it is so important to how we connect, work, and live.”
—Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor

“If you’re like most people, you don’t listen as often or as well as you’d like. There’s no one better qualified than a talented journalist to introduce you to the right mindset and skillset―and this book does it with science and humor.”
—Adam Grant, author of Originals and Give and Take

“In an age of echo chambers and multiple narratives, there is a lot of noise going on but very little listening. In this insightful, cogently reasoned book, Murphy extols the myriad virtues of this underused skill... A thoughtful, eloquent volume that could transform not just your relationships but your own worldview as well.”
—Waterstones Best Non-fiction Books for 2020

“The premise of this book couldn't be more timely... inspiringly profound… Smart and playful... It feels like a reiteration of something essential... Murphy is here to remind us – entertainingly and compellingly – exactly why it matters so much, especially right now. Hear, hear.”
—Viv Groskop, Observer

“Fiercely topical... You're Not Listening is an intriguing and constructive take on the problem... and a manual for better communication. Murphy’s book is intelligent and thought-provoking.”
—Melanie Reid, The Times (London)

“It’s time for a spot of re-education.... A fascinating guide to something we assume we do automatically, yet for the most part do very badly.... The art of listening is really the art of being human.”
— The Guardian

“In an age when technology has made it easier than ever before to talk with each other, we’ve paradoxically become worse at listening. Fortunately, we have Kate Murphy to teach us how to reclaim this crucial skill. This book changed the way I think about communicating with the people who matter to me.”
—Cal Newport, author of Deep Work and Digital Minimalism

“A lively debut that asserts the power of closing our mouths and opening our ears… A valuable corrective for a talkative culture.”
—Kirkus

“With concrete advice and a wealth of guidelines, readers will come away with tips for a better approach, one that can be exceptionally useful, whether in the boardroom or at home. In an era dominated by incessant broadcasting and attention-seeking behavior on social media, listening offers both a salve and a solution.”
—Booklist

“From communication researchers to general audiences, this informative and well-documented book will prod readers to reexamine the way they listen to others, individually and collectively, and to consider the many negative repercussions of not doing so.”
—Library Journal

“Kate Murphy…has pinpointed an uneasy truth in her new book: we may be great at leading the conversations, but perhaps not so much being on the receiving end of them.”
—Independent.ie

“Learning to listen properly can change lives –your own included. Murphy perfectly describes a problem a lot of us face in the smartphone age, and how to fix it.”
—Evening Standard

“Narrating her own work, Murphy is certainly worthy of the listener's attention. She offers a sincere, passionate voice that is capable of delivering some hard truths about the current state of things while also showing the way toward a truly connected society.”—AudioFile Magazine

“Insightful... Murphy is on a mission to bring back the art of listening, the benefits of which go far beyond being a better dinner-party guest.”
—Elle

“This lively book makes an impassioned plea for listening… An instructive and thought-provoking book that will help readers think about the way they frame questions and responses to forge intimacy.”
—Emma Jacobs, Financial Times

“Brilliant… Extraordinarily interesting.”
—Chris Evans, Virgin Radio Breakfast Show

“Murphy explores the art of listening – and how this vital skill can transform relationships, working lives and even make us happier.”
—Mail on Sunday

“I’ll be adopting Murphy’s advice.”
—Sunday Times, Style